The Most Important Things to Know When Defending against Restraining Order Lies

Posted on February 17, 2023


The following represents the advice of a man who was persecuted in the courts for over 12 years by a soulless liar. It is the advice of a defendant who has been in the hot seat many times. It is not, however, nor does it purport to be, the advice of a qualified practitioner of law.

For answers to specific questions regarding the civil injunction process, the reader is directed to this site’s Q&A page. The same caveat applies to all information and opinions found there.

  1. The truth doesn’t matter.
  2. The truth DOES NOT matter. You may have been lied about egregiously. The lies may multiply and intensify when you appear in court. Reconcile yourself to this reality and soldier on with your head erect.
  3. You may not think of yourself as a criminal, but everyone else will. Legal experts even refer to civil injunctions as “quasi-criminal.” Accordingly, you must think like a criminal defense attorney. A legal defense is a narrative tailored to place a defendant in the best possible light and to cast doubt and suspicion on his or her accuser. A criminal defense team doesn’t rack their brains trying to figure out how to most effectively tell the truth (“Well, Your Honor, that’s true but…”). A criminal defense team formulates a strategy to win.
  4. Your story must be wholly yours and not merely a rebuttal of the plaintiff’s accusations. Simply answering what the court has already accepted as true will not make you look innocent. It may just reinforce the position the court assumed before you ever showed up.
  5. Citizens are often warned: Never talk to cops. The same reasoning applies to judges. Resist admitting anything that it isn’t going to serve you to admit. The objective is not to satisfy a judge’s preconceived expectations; the objective is to confound them.
  6. You have a brief window of minutes in which to present your defense. You may recite it, submit evidence (bring extra copies), and ask the judge to allow you to question the prosecuting witness (the person pointing a finger at you). You may have to insist upon your right under the basic rules of adversarial process to examine your accuser. Don’t hesitate to assert that right. (And if you’re denied that right or any other, obtain a recording of the hearing, and promptly file an appeal. Retain this information: your case number, the time and date of your hearing, the location, and the name of the judge.)
  7. Know what you’re going to say. Know what you’re going to ask. But come as prepared as you can so that you can adapt and improvise as needed.
  8. You may opt to flatly deny the allegations against you. You may opt to deny the validity or the factuality of whatever evidence the prosecuting witness has presented. These are choices you must make bearing in mind that your aim is to win and not to make an indifferent judge who won’t remember your name like you better. You occupy the same status in his or her eyes as a cockroach.
  9. The phrase, “Yes, but…,” is one you should strive to avoid pronouncing. The only thing the judge will hear is your agreement that you did something s/he may condemn you for.
  10. Use basic, straightforward language. Judges are never the discerning jurists they’re represented to be on TV. Your judge may be a nitwit. Nevertheless, s/he won’t like feeling condescended to: Judicial egos are epic. Be clear not smart. (The relevant lawyer’s acronym is KISS: Keep it simple, stupid.)
  11. Never take it for granted that a judge will perceive your meaning. Tell the judge what you want him or her to know in no uncertain terms. You may preface your account this way: “This is the truth, Your Honor.” Or you might begin by saying, “The plaintiff’s representations to the court are completely false.” (These terms are interchangeable and refer to your accuser: plaintiff, complainant, prosecuting witness.)
  12. Be calm, cool, and collected but not meek. You must believe in yourself and your story, which is your defense. Address the judge as “judge” or “Your Honor.” Do not show anger or spite. Do not whine, snivel, or plead. You are a rational person dealing with the wrongful accusations of an irrational one. Remember: calm, cool, and collected but not meek or resigned. (A judge is not God; s/he’s a government employee whose salary is paid with your tax dollars: You accordingly have the right to expect civil treatment.)
  13. Your goal is to tell and support an effective narrative, choosing what facts you present and what questions you ask to suit that end.
  14. The truth doesn’t matter. If you’ve been accused by a liar, and you’ve been summoned to court because of lies, then this has already been proven to you. If the law were genuinely concerned with ascertaining the “whole truth” (whatever that means), you would be granted more than a few days to prepare a defense, and the process would be allotted more than 30 minutes on a judge’s docket.
  15. You’re in a contest. Prevail.

Copyright © 2023

*When the writer was first trying to come to terms with being serially accused in and out of court, he consulted a nonprofit that was dedicated to exposing the inequities of so-called “women’s law.” The writer sought advice by email. The man who agreed to speak with him insisted that the writer call him, presumably so that there would be no paper trail. Fear and intimidation taint every aspect of this arena of law. They must be confronted and ignored. The reason psychopaths are the most credible witnesses is that they’re not emotionally inhibited; they’re machines that don’t qualm about slanting the truth or outright lying.