There are a lot of things about restraining order laws and policies that elicit (and deserve) this reaction: “What the f—?”
Defendants’ due process rights are suspended; orders are issued without defendants’ even knowing it, let alone being permitted to respond before possibly being forcibly evicted from their homes; testimony from accusers is accepted at face value (and may even be given under an assumed name); citizens may be accused by strangers who live in different states from them; judges have been conditioned to be suspect of the accused and trusting of accusers; the evidentiary standard applied to allegations that are typically of criminal acts is the lowest civil standard; the fundamental right to cross-examine accusers and other witnesses is often short-circuited and may be outright denied; false accusations aren’t sanctioned (or ever called “false”) and the falsely accused can’t sue for perjury; hearings to finalize orders may begin and end in mere minutes; viable grounds for appeal to a higher court are precious few, and false accusation isn’t among them; even if restraining orders are dismissed, they’re preserved in the public record and cannot be expunged…. I could go on.
A different inspiration for “WTF” is indiscrimination by officers of the court.
There is room for the inclusion of basic intuition and eyeball evidence in judicial decisions. Yet I couldn’t tell you how many times a woman has complained on this site of being falsely accused of abuse by a man who was twice her size (and who was violent to her). Sure, there are men who are harassed and violently abused by women. There absolutely are. But often the same men who are reluctant to defend themselves are reluctant to take their complaints to the court, because that, too, would be “ungentlemanly” or “unchivalrous” (besides humiliating). When a large, confident man accuses a woman half his size of vague, wishy-washy, or sketchy abuses, and especially when ulterior motives like custody of the kids and/or possession of a shared residence lurk in the background, a degree of suspicion is warranted.
Similarly, if a woman accusing a man of stalking looks like someone whose best opportunity for attention is accusing a man of stalking, a little ding! should sound in the minds of the people vetting the claim. There are women who are “to die for” (hubba-hubba), and there are women who are “to croak for” (ribbet). How about some discernment?
It may be politically incorrect to judge according to surfaces—hell, it may be unethical—but the whole process is guided by superficialities like, for example, sex: The number of orders issued against men is grossly disproportionate to the number issued against women. So what does ethics have to do with anything? Testimony by the accused is routinely rejected on no more evident basis than that it’s testimony from people who’ve been prejudged to be “abusers” (whose accusers, incidentally, are automatically called “victims”). So the “ethical scruples” argument is DOA.
I’ve heard from a vegetarian single mom, disabled women (here is post based on a petition respondent’s report), and men who’ve been violently abused and shamed by their wives only to be falsely accused of violence. I’ve heard from a little league umpire who was just doing his job. The number of accounts I’ve heard from lucid, articulate, educated men who’ve been casually accused of abuse, including violence to children, is obscene. Here is one such by a man who was falsely accused of burning and kidnapping his son.
Some respondents to this blog have been women in their seventh and eighth decades of life who were accused by “fearful” complainants who didn’t share a household with them and could outrun them on one leg. One says she’s consequently suffered PTSD and has been afraid to leave her house. The only just accusations against women this age I’ve heard about have come after the women accused first—and falsely and repeatedly. One female respondent in her 60s, living alone—the model of feminist self-sufficiency—was driven from her home by persistent accusations from a cranky (female) neighbor to everyone from the police, the court, and PETA. I haven’t heard from her since.
A retired man I communicate with regularly is in his 70s and has a crippled spine and three toy poodles. No slight to his virility is intended but…three toy poodles. He was accused relentlessly by his (yep, cranky female) neighbor (who’s hardly among the hubba-hubba demographic) of stalking, cyber-stalking, harassment, and various “threats” (like inciting invisible hound dogs to bay at her) until years later he finally inspired a judge to chew her a new one. By that time, he’d been jailed and had a cop point her sidearm at him through the front door of his house. His mugshot is on the Internet, and public records nominating him a menace number in the dozens. He’ll have to live with the onus of this sh— for the rest of his life (which will probably be shorter than it might otherwise have been).
W-T-F.
Copyright © 2016 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
*The writer of this post is a lifelong vegetarian who had been a practicing kids’ poet when he was first accused 10 years ago by a woman he encountered around his house with a band of her girlfriends. I’ve been in and out of court several times (and for half a year at a time…each time) over the intervening period. Today I face criminal allegations brought by one of the girlfriends—who also petitioned an ex parte court injunction against me in December. Because she could. I haven’t communicated with her in years, but she told police I’ve “stalked” her since 2005. I’m right now learning how to make audio files of voicemails she left me after writing to me in 2012, inviting me to join her for coffee, hugging me, and telling me how sorry she was about the earlier rounds of lies to the court.
Todd Vaclavik
March 11, 2016
Judges have some incentives to err on the side of granting restraining orders. If a judge should grant a restraining order against someone who might not warrant it, typically the only repercussion is that the defendant might appeal the order. If, on the other hand, the judge denies a restraining order and the plaintiff is killed or injured, sour publicity and an enraged community may harm the jurist’s career.
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fightingbarbie
February 12, 2016
Todd, I have read several articles slash studies on the “signs of abuse” and have found an interesting coalition in the false accusers and abuser of protective orders. Interesting to think that when the victim of these false accusations asserts any of these signs these same proffers of evidence on the opposite side are said to be further “proof” of the accused guilt.
See the article below with annotations In ()…
Despite what many people believe, (accusers of) domestic violence and abuse is not due to the (accusers of) abuser’s loss of control over his or her behavior. In fact, (accusing) abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the (accuser)abuser in order to control you.
Abusers (accusers)use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power:
• Dominance – Abusive individuals (accusers)need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser (accuser)may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his or her possession.
• Humiliation – An abuser (accuser)will do everything he or she can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you’re worthless and that no one else will want you, you’re less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
• Isolation – In order to increase your dependence on him or her, an abusive (accuser)partner will cut you off from the outside world. He or she may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.
• Threats – Abusers (accusers)commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser (accuser)may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He or she may also threaten to commit suicide, (FILE FALSE CHARGES AGAINST YOU)file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
• Intimidation – Your abuser (accuser)may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message (CLEAR MESSAGE) is that if you don’t obey(OBEY), there will be violent consequences.
• Denial and blame – Abusers (accusers) are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He or she (accuser)will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his or her violent and abusive behavior is your fault.
WOW…. mirror mirror on the wall who is the perpetrator after all?
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Moderator
February 13, 2016
Totally. It’s all about perception.
http://restrainingorderabuse.com/2014/06/05/false-restraining-orders-that-allege-emotional-abuse-are-emotional-abuse/
I read the story about your lawsuit, David. Good for you. What an incredible job. It highlights something mentioned in this post: Grounds for successful appeals are almost none. Improper service and First Amendment violations are the only ones I know of that have worked. Once a trial judge finalizes an order (in what may be a 10-minute “trial”), the claim of false accusation can’t be raised again in a collateral action; it’s barred by the doctrine of res judicata. That’s why lies and hyped claims are so effective.
From “Man Sues Lawyers over Handling of Bill of Review” by Texas attorney Brenda Sapino Jeffreys (Texas Lawyer, 10 February 2016), for the benefit (and inspiration) of third-party readers of this comment:
I noticed the female lawyer you’re suing used the phrase “pro se” pejoratively, as if because you’re self-represented, you should be afforded no credibility. It’s a common conviction among officers of the court, which underscores the inequity in a process that already blindsides people and is unreasoning and free. No one applies the phrase “pro se” derogatorily to the people who swan into courthouses, fill out some forms, plop their butts in a chair, and spout what may be arrant lies to a judge. Accusers, who are often “pro se,” are called “victims.” In contrast, the accused who represent themselves are mocked for their inability or unwillingness to shell out $5,000 at the drop of a hat to hire an attorney to swat away nonsense (and that assumes, besides, that a lawyer could be secured on a few days’ notice).
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sweetsurrender922
February 14, 2016
OMG!!! I am going through this exact same thing!!! My ex boyfriend who was angry at me for exposing his web of lies, women and deception on my blog and IG to warn other women about him, filed an OP on me and another ex in his home state of TN. I live in CO. I was served 3 days before the hearing and called the TN court to see if I could appear by phone, they told me no and the judge said that if I wasn’t there he would win by default. I tried contacting every agency I could to get some type of representation and no one called me back until after the hearing. I submitted a notorized affadavit to the court and his attorney objected to it saying it was heresay and the judge sustained it.
I’m a single mother and in school. His parents paid for his attorney who goes to his church in Chattanooga. I tried to file a few restraining orders on him over the last few years but was told by my attorney here that no judge will approve an order across state lines unless I had photographs of him actually stalking me in front of my house with a gun and threatening my life. After the judge granted the order since I did not buy a last minute plane ticket to Chattanooga and hire an attorney within those 3 days before the hearing, I went to my attorney and asked “Why don’t I have any rights?” he said, “You do. You just can’t afford them.”
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fightingbarbie
February 14, 2016
Dear Sweet,
I don’t know how long its been but there are motions for new hearing, accelerated appeals etc that you should pursue.
BUT ALSO. and even better You should study on the laws of “in personam” jurisdiction. In addition to any 1st amendment protections you may assert. These basically state that the court has to have jurisdiction over you as the defendant. In other words you have to be amenable or susceptible to jurisdiction and the court has to prove that you are and the powers were properly invoked through service ect.. Very tricky when it comes to crossing state lines. I.e. what your lawyer said to you. I could go into detail but will rather refer you to Texas First COA 01-14-00845-cv. READ IT yes its Texas but these statutes are common across many states. I’d be happy to answer any direct questions you have. Im not an attorney but have done this full time now for over 2 years.
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fightingbarbie
February 14, 2016
Not trying info overload you but here it is…. Are you accused of offenses in Tenn. ? Or are you accused of bloging about him in Colorado?
“Personal jurisdiction of non-resident defendants may be obtained by service of
process under the Tennessee Long Arm Statute, (Tenn. Code Ann. § 20-2-214 (a)3) if, and
only if, the non-resident defendant has such minimum contacts with this state that
maintenance of the suit does not offend ‘traditional notions of fair play and substantial
justice.’ ” Landers, 872 S.W.2d at 675 (quoting International Shoe Co. v. Washington, 326
U.S. 310, 316, 66 S.Ct. 154, 158 (1945); J.I. Case Corn. v. Williams, 832 S.W.2d 530, 531
(Tenn. 1992)). Accordingly, to determine whether personal jurisdiction of Vaughn was
established, we must consider first, whether our long arm statute authorizes service under its terms in this case, and whether the requirements of due process were satisfied.
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sweetsurrender922
February 14, 2016
Thank you so much FB!! Yes, I have been trying to find a lawyer since the final hearing in September based on the jurisdiction and lack of due process and pulled up those statutes defining TN jurisdiction. I have never been to TN, never have done buisness in TN and do not fall under any of their jurisdiction guidelines. I am blogging from Colorado and my ex, in TN, used to work in CO and has been to my house but I have never before been to his, yet he put on the petition that he was afraid that I was going to come to house…the guy is a pro-athlete, 6’3″, 210 lbs, works out everyday, lives with his parents and I’m 5’7″, 135 lbs and have children at home……I am completely blown away by the judge and her lack of investment in reading the cases that are before her, she should not have any kind of judicial immunity when she has the power to determine people’s lives without any knowledge of those lives.
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fightingbarbie
February 14, 2016
sweet!! Really I mean that’s sweet! If that be the true extent of it? You got their ass!!!!
Don’t give up pursue this. That being said Im 180k into an attorney so don’t think an attorney will even talk to you unless you got that $$$. The judge will not care either because they don’t want to reverse themselves. In fact the judge will probably fight you. You can do this yourself and you can win. I am more than willing to assist advise or what have ya. Just ask. Motions, Petitions, sue them etcetera. Rah Rah RAh GO Sweetsurrender. 🙂
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fightingbarbie
February 14, 2016
thanks Todd. and yes I noticed that “pro se” comment also. Just from memory I believe it was to the effect that “these are JUST accusations from a pro se plaintiff” as if an attorney filing lends credibility to the case or as you said lack of attorney = no credibility.
That response was as good as any she had for the court while she represented me also.
I would only remind her that she lost and I WON. Nananana Screw U…. lol
A good settlement offer and an apology in hopes I will accept would serve her well at this point because she only has two other options. 1) Confess she was grossly negligent or 2) Confess she committed fraud. The result in the appeals is proof of the claim. Period.
I know I have said it before but I will say again…. If anyone reading this is concerned about due process in protective orders Google First Texas COA when at the site search case 01-14-00845-cv and read my briefs. It may help you, and at minimum stir your thoughts on due process. As Todd rightly asserts, this is one of the few successful ways to beat these horrific testaments of injustice.
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Dean
February 12, 2016
Well it isn’t easy. I have filed my lawsuit in the Western District Federal Court of Washington state. Phillips v Rietema, et al. You will see I am suing her and about 30 other defendants, including the county, three cities, judges, prosecutors, officers, and citizens. They all pointed the finger at me, and used their “color of law” to deny me rights secured (well, supposedly secured) by the constitution of the state and of the US.
It is a lonely, hard, battle to be doing all this alone. I am in a territory I have never been in and would wish to be doing just about anything else but I am determined to do my best to show these people the inherent wrongs in this whole process. They are probably already aware of it all but still.
I have to do this or they will just keep getting away with it. But it has been quite stressful to deal with.
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fightingbarbie
February 12, 2016
Dean, I read your petition and the first answer by NJ. This is what has to be done in ALL these abuse of protection order process situations. There simply isn’t enough people doing this and I wish you the best results possible.
If more people did do this it would become increasingly more difficult for these constitutional offenders to give the boilerplate response that they always do. The abuses would gain attention from the public and media then perhaps the routine of creating a victim from thin air as it was would be more closely scrutinized.
The fact is that in instances of abuse of process what literally happens is that the accused is victimized or sacrificed to the system for the appearance of protection of a fictional victim.
HEY LOOK…. were the good guys. So… there has to be a bad guy.
I.e. Sob… Your honor he is harassing me by repeatedly placing his balls where I often kick my foot.
Good Luck
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Dean
February 13, 2016
Thanks. Nice to know someone gets it. That gives me some hope.
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sweetsurrender922
February 14, 2016
I am just starting this process with the state of TN and I live in CO. But it’s exactly what you said, if we don’t do this, they will keep getting away with it.
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bettykrachey
February 11, 2016
Reblogged this on Falsely Accused.
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