Okay, first, there is no “dialogue” (or “debate”) about restraining orders. That’s a misnomer. There are uninfluential people speaking truth to influential people (occasionally) and influential people calling uninfluential people crazy (typically). That’s not communication, so it’s not a conversation. The only dialogues are between influential people talking to influential people (e.g., politicians with anti-domestic-violence advocates) and uninfluential people talking to uninfluential people (e.g., fellow victims of procedural abuse commiserating on Reddit). Uninfluential people who try to get the ears of politicians or journalists (the influential people) are spurned. (Uninfluential people who try to get the ears of anti-domestic-violence advocates are lambasted.)
There’s no inter-group exchange (except insults and sniping), so there is no “dialogue.” (One side, moreover, is consolidated, organized, and flush with cash, and the other is fragmentary.)
Case in point: I tuned in to an interview on NPR a few months ago with a man who had allegedly been falsely accused of some kind of abuse of a serious nature. I knew long before the interviewer said as much that the man being interviewed was gay and in a position of prominence. The man didn’t “sound gay.” I just knew he would be, because I know what victims liberal-oriented media are interested in and what victims they aren’t. False allegations against women and gay men of “social importance” rate attention; false allegations against hetero men and “little people” don’t.
No one of the influential party is comfortable saying people who allege abuse lie. It’s taboo. It’s “victim-blaming” (because, as you know, to claim to be a victim is to be a “victim,” ipso facto.)
Consider the first paragraph of a news story that was excerpted in the last post:
A man who was shot in a work dispute learned a few days later that a judge granted a protection order against him—requested by the man who shot him.
The journalist observes an ironic circumstance. It isn’t her place to comment, though, on whether the plaintiff of the protection order lied. The fact she cites casts suspicion on the process, but what the truth is isn’t for the writer to conclude.
No one in a position of influence ever uses the word lied. Judges don’t, journalists don’t, politicians don’t, and certainly no one with a political interest in maintaining the status quo (i.e., “anti-abuse advocates”) does.
Journalists and politicians can only say “lied” if a judge does. Judges don’t. If they dismiss abuse allegations, they call them “unfounded” or “baseless.” Use of the word lied would begin to cast suspicion on the legitimacy of the whole shebang (and someone influential might wonder aloud why “liars” aren’t being prosecuted). Judges and others are perfectly comfortable with the moral judgment “victim,” but the moral judgment “lied” is one they avoid. It’s a hot potato. It’s also a judgment that would require more investigation than some 10- to 30-minute drive-thru procedure allows (one might suggest the same is true of the judgment “victim,” but that one’s written into the law itself—which tells you the law itself is ethically compromised).
People who’ve been lied about who use the word lied, what’s more, are typically (dis)regarded as sore losers. (Even if these “sore losers” actually “won” in court, their accusers are still called “victims,” and the record of the accusations against them is indefinitely and publicly preserved, so whether they prevailed at all is an open question.) People who’ve been lied about who use the word lied publicly, what’s more than that, face being prosecuted for it.
This post is to report a trend the author of this blog has noted of late. Observe for yourself:
People who’ve been lied about are using a different and savvier word, one that has more pointed legal implications. Fraud is knowingly lying with the intent to cheat people and to cheat the system.
Fraud in the restraining order process is epidemic, and the process itself promotes fraud, because accusers, even when their allegations have a basis in fact, are motivated to sensationalize their claims to make them seem more urgent and be more effective.
Allegations spiked to mislead are fraudulent, because they intend to induce a false conclusion.
Words count, and it may be small changes like this in how people characterize how they’ve been abused that obliquely enter the stream of conversation and consciousness.
Copyright © 2016 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
bettykrachey
January 30, 2016
Reblogged this on Falsely Accused.
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yellowrosetathotmailcom
January 29, 2016
it is said that when i tried to fight the order i was told it wont effect me if i stay away well it did effect me i lost everything i brought to our home and the most inportant thing was the loss of my grandchildren being returned over a man who i told i was not leaving my home till i had somewhere else to move to so he gone a filed a restraining order against me so he could move his mistress in, who i might add is nasty who would sleep on bedsheets i was just on the night before i lost my home
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fightingbarbie
January 29, 2016
Todd, This is why you are a writer and I am not. So can I just say “amen walls”. That’s a thing preachers say when they don’t feel anyone is hearing what their preaching. just fyi
So If I were to say this “N word” to a black person or maybe the “F word” at a homosexual or even the “R word” to a mentally challenged person oH… wait for it. What if I use that “”C Word” towards a woman.
But the “A word” ABUSER used toward a heterosexual male is not only status quo it is accepted and encouraged by the same people that have on a regular basis campaigned to have all the former “words” socially outlawed.
Now get it straight I don’t encourage the use of any of these words though I have on some occasion used each and every one. But, the point is that using any of those words other than abuser has no real consequence. I mean you may piss off some people and you may get a well deserved right jab in the kisser but the person it was directed towards has suffered nothing. However as soon as the A word comes out the one to whom it is directed has had his fate sealed. We all know what that fate is so ill skip the elaboration.
OK so WTF…. we all know this. What is going to be done is the question.
Organize and start putting these false accusers and abuse of restraining order process issue in the publics face.
Lets start a forum, petition, radio and internet advertising/news campaign.
Lets start a resource pool and a true concerted effort recruiting legal and clinical experts and putting them with victims of these false accuser and procedural abuses with clinical research facts and statistics.
It would cost less than 1,000.00 dollars to print and snail mail a one page fact sheet to law enforcement, district attorneys, homeless shelters, social services departments, psychologists and whomever else you could think of not to mention email and social media. You could also as a journalist interview these people of influence and start a dialogue.
IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE>>> It just hasn’t been done yet.
We all know we are not the popular kids in the cafeteria so who are we?
We can choose to be the quiet kid in the corner eating alone everyday or we can be the breakfast club with a F#$%N attitude. Just like the Ns and the Fs and Rs and Cs blah blah so forth and so on.
I am sincere…If we can Organize an event I will travel anywhere in this Nation to attend.
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