How Restraining Orders Make American Civil Procedure Contemptible (Russian Teacake, Anyone?)

Posted on October 26, 2015


  1. Accusers are presumed to be truthful, so it falls to the accused to prove they’re innocent. Accusers are charged nothing to file a complaint, which requires only a few moments of time, and face no risk of prosecution if the complaint is false. Preliminary rulings are formed in backroom meetings between judges and accusers alone.
  2. If an accuser is represented by a lawyer, who is an “officer of the court,” the presumption that whatever is alleged is trustworthy doubles, because lawyers are honest, scrupulous, and would never represent a false claimant to turn a buck.
  3. Accusations may be filed in any jurisdiction in the country, and answering accusations made in a county or state other than the one s/he resides in requires that the accused appear in that county or state, possibly within days. If s/he fails to appear, a default judgment against him or her will be entered (possibly signifying, for example, that s/he’s a stalker or child molester).
  4. Once a ruling is formed, whether by default or in what may be a 10-minute hearing, it’s final and immune from collateral attack. Allegations are deemed “decided” (res judicata) and may not be controverted in a further prosecution, even if it can be plainly shown that they were criminally perjured.
  5. A judge is entitled to rule according to what s/he “deems best,” irrespective of the truth, is insulated him- or herself from prosecution, and may award to an accuser sole use of a residence and vehicle, permanent custody of children and pets, a monthly stipend, and complete remuneration of attorney fees (to be paid by the accused).
  6. This is deemed equitable and just, and further warrants the permanent entry of the accused’s name in state and federal police registries and, in cases, a publicly accessible database.

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