A comment Wednesday resonated with the author’s experiences of legal abuse and many others’. It said its writer’s life was trashed because he showed compassion for another. He exhausted his savings to help his ex-wife out of a fix, flying out to California from Colorado on a day’s notice. Five years later, having lived with the aftereffects of legal madness every day of the interim—which included appeals in another state, postponements, and a five-year restraining order extension—he says he feels his life is “over.” Of particular note is that the apparent instigator of the fraudulent restraining order petitioned against him was his ex-wife’s son; the son allegedly threatened to turn his back on his mother and evict her from his home if she didn’t comply with his wishes.
The commenter’s account:
[In] 2010, she calls me in Denver [Colorado], where I had a two-bedroom apartment, crying the blues that she had a big fight with her boyfriend, and requested to stay with me for a little while. I gave in as we were married for 23 years and had remained friends.
I fly out to San Jose [California] the next day, and we drive directly from the airport to U-Haul, pick up a truck, and are on the road in a couple of hours. Five days later, I move her into her own bedroom and put her furniture in storage.
Things went fine until she wanted this dog up in Wyoming that had some issues.
We drive up to get the dog and then after getting it home, I find out the issues—the dog would just pee on the carpet at random. I told her the dog had to go. She’s not happy, but we surrendered it to the local shelter.
Next thing I know, there is a knock on the door with her son ready to drive her back to San Jose.
Not a problem until two weeks later when the sheriff delivered the TRO [temporary restraining order] that stated I had to give up my guns and appear in San Jose at a hearing in seven days. “Why?” I asked. “Don’t we have laws in Colorado? Shouldn’t the case be tried in Denver?” Apparently not. I lost that argument.
I went to San Jose, had a 10-minute hearing in front of—what else?—a woman judge. My ex had a lawyer [thanks to] the good old folks at VAWA providing the funding. I [checked with] over 30 attorneys, and no one would touch the case pro bono (she took any spare money I had moving her).
Then we found out that she can talk to me; I just can’t talk to her (great system).
We found a way to communicate…through the Internet on one of those game shows. We would pass notes back and forth. She did not have a problem with that. The son found out and over his IPhone requested an extension on the court order.
Turns out, truth be told, that the son was the one who wanted her to get the RO. She never had any intention of doing such a thing. The son apparently was angry because he asked me what happened between his mother and me. I responded by asking him if he was sure that he really wanted to know the truth about his mom. Well, I told him the truth. I told him that his mother was screwing around on me every chance that she had.
That did not sit well with him. So here we are…RO. Every lie in that first and second complaint was written by him. He forced his mother to go along with it by threatening that he would not want her to be around him anymore and that she would have to move out of his house.
With all the postponements, when we finally got a ruling on the attempt to continue the first RO, which only had two weeks left on it, the judge, a new woman judge, ruled against me. She would not even let me speak.
So, long story short, after all the delays in between the appearances, I now received an additional five-year RO causing my total RO to be about 7 years.
I don’t give a shit whether I ever see her again, but I thought that this was a country of laws. There was never any violence between us. Yet this judge violated my Second Amendment rights once again.
So…lesson learned: Never even raise your voice to your significant (???) other. When she finds out how much money she can get out of all the federal funding, inclusive of cars, a place to stay, educational programs, etc., etc., she will come after you without a second thought.
The entire law is wrong. It violates [the First, Second, and Sixth Amendments, and probably others]. And the worse part of it is that any woman you want to date is going to plug your name into the Internet before she considers going out with you. Or her son or daughter or girlfriend will…just because they want to make sure she’s not going out with a “bum.”
My life is over. I have no social life [and] no place to turn. Not one lawyer will help. Not one congressman or senator will go against all the women who started all of this in 1994. And why? The only reason that I can come up with is that they don’t want to get “cut off.” They have no balls and couldn’t care less about what is right or wrong.
This is a bad law. I think if I remember the VAWA statute correctly, the phrase man or men is mentioned one time. I am for anyone who has any ideas on how to overturn this law and at least give us our “rights” back. I can understand it if you are a wife-beater or something like that, but the word harassment is so ambiguous. How can any judge make an honest decision?
Please, everyone, chime in. This could happen to you! If your wife gets an RO on you, you are in “the system.” You no longer will have a job, friends will shy away from you, and even your own family will distance themselves from you.
SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING TO END THIS MADNESS!
Please.
Copyright © 2015 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
*The anonymous commenter’s remarks began: “I will be more than happy to pay any attorney to get my Santa Clara County, California RO taken off of the Internet!”
rodemich2015
October 26, 2015
I have been paying attention and the one thing that I wonder is how many appeals are there in comparison to the false charges, I ask this because we know that the lower courts are doing what ever the hell they want ,and most the time we the accused have just got our ass kicked and would just like it to go away so , we start off wanting to get that appeal but i am guessing more often then not it never gets done , and the problem it create (I think) is the higher courts are fully seeing what’s going on and that’s it is a much bigger problem then they may or may not been aware of , the way my twisted brain works is , we need to push as many of these false charges to appeal even if the appeal is denied at some point someone is going to notice a (hopefully) huge raise is restraining order appeals coming from the lower courts and maybe open there eyes , from what I have read it seems that one of the issues is that the higher courts are not aware of the abuse we are taking across the country from lower court judges , and for those that do not have the money to appeal (as I do not ) fill out the waiver .believe me I know how it feels to have your teeth kicked in and then go to court thinking that someone there will want the truth only to have the truth shoved up your ass so far it is never to be seen again ..time to fight back , and another thing if your like me and just about lost everything why not add to the appeals complaints about the judges its not about if the appeal or complaint are a winner or loser its about the volume we can get out..that’s what’s going to get someone to show a pair and do something about this ..believe this the only ones going to lift a finger fighting this is us..i feel just like the guy who wrote the blog “I feel my life is over ” and I have been fighting that feeling back by fighting back in every little way I can …its a thought and would need ? honestly something like the women have that are pushing this crap , we would need a group who helps the falsely accused file file and file .. and if a stupid idea don’t be shy but lets get ideas out there , hell it felt kind of good to whine about what happened but it accomplished nothing.
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Moderator
October 26, 2015
Rarely, as Prof. Aaron Caplan has remarked. The superior court doesn’t consider the facts of a case de novo, which means “from scratch.” It only determines if the lower court judge acted inappropriately (i.e., unethically or unlawfully). So appeals are all but pointless. Those who persist to the level of the state court of appeals are very few. It’s expensive (even if you represent yourself), and it’s very demanding and intimidating. The standard, besides, may be exactly the same. Successful appeals may depend on exposing a judicial overreach like the issuance of a prior restraint (forbidding someone from ever talking about someone) or on denying rights like the right to cross-examine the prosecuting witness or to introduce evidence or to be heard at all.
People do not grasp that these procedures may be 10 minutes long and that whatever a judge rules is impervious to collateral attack. That means a judge can determine someone is a brute in 10 minutes based on his or her estimation of the probability that the accuser is mostly telling the truth, and the accused cannot sue to expose lies for what they were, because the matter has been “decided.”
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rodemich2015
October 26, 2015
It was an idea . It’s why i come here , to learn . so a judge finds in the plaintiff favor , but its really not a trial like other trials , the judge is not really interested in the facts just if the plaintiff is scared or not ? you really do not get to defend yourself , yet that non-trial judgement can stop you from suing because the judge, at a trial that’s not really a trial ruled against you! its as stupid as i just made it sound . i am now not so optimistic on filing a lawsuit .
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Moderator
October 27, 2015
Yeah, you got it. There are squishy places within the law, though. For example, if you can allege “new evidence,” a judge should hear it, in spite of the doctrines of res judicata and collateral estoppel (which say that “things decided” cannot be revisited and “re-decided”). The Restatement of Torts, too, allows that an exception should be made if a trial was abbreviated or accelerated (as all restraining order trials are). Lastly, a “final decision/judgment” (properly) is a judgment that disposes of all allegations and leaves “nothing open to further dispute” (Black’s Law Dictionary). If there was no “final decision,” res judicata doesn’t properly apply. Probably no restraining order verdict satisfies this requirement, because such judgments are hasty, and individual allegations aren’t necessarily addressed at all. A judge may simply form a “blanket” decision based on the “force” of allegations or the apparent credibility of the accuser (the standard is “probability,” not truth). Some of these rulings are decided in 10 minutes (literally), and it cannot be reasonably claimed that an egg-timer ruling is dispositive. Even to call such a ruling “deliberative” is ridiculous. Traffic court hearings are more “in-depth.”
Also bear in mind that if you timely file your complaint and your alleged counts/torts cannot be dismissed because statutes of limitation have flown, there’s a chance the judge will at least green-light the case to go to trial (this is almost assured in my state, Arizona, because there’s a legal precedent that says the court must allow that further pleadings may be introduced that could be meritorious of consideration even if prior pleadings are dubious). If you can get a case to go forward, there’s a chance the defendant will seek a compromise (even if your prospects of prevailing in a trial aren’t promising). Also, you can request a jury trial (for an additional fee).
If you’re thinking about doing this by yourself, you’re in for a hellish experience, come what may.
I’m not, incidentally, a lawyer. So what I’ve “explained” in this reply should be taken with a grain of salt and investigated. Don’t, in other words, take what I’ve said for granted. I’m just throwing out some bread crumbs you might pursue if you resolve to proceed.
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Rivkah Hirtshberger
October 24, 2015
A new wrinkle in all of this RO abuse, is that I already have PTSD and this legal crap has made it worse. I have been involved in this at a level, I never wanted. When ‘crazy M” as I now call him,filed the injunction against me because of his paranoia, it started me on a cycle of craziness that I have not been able to get free from. I was in the psychiatric hospital from an OD as a result of this four times this year and twice last year..the calmness I had been used to having in my life is over. My ex-husband texted me that he would file an injunction on me if I called him about our son. My son was in the hospital for a reason I still have not been able to find out. And, as he has Asperger’s syndrome, communication with him at best is difficult. All of this has all made the PTSD and DID worse Before this RO crap and legal abuse by a man who is meshuggah, I was at peace and led an active life. ER personnel also told me that they were going to file an RO on me when I called to find out how my son was doing! How insane is that?! A mother only knows that her son who has been suicidal in the past is in the ER and yes, he is an adult in age, but not emotionally. So because of hippa laws they “cannot confirm or deny” that he is in the ER. At the same time, my rights as a mother who was scared about what was happening to her son were denied. The ER personnel also threatened me with an RO because I was “in a facility”. WOW! All of this made my depression and suicidal feelings worse..When hospitals, pd’s and ex’s continue to threaten filing orders of protection on family members for “harassment”..there is something seriously wrong with the system…I feel for the men who are wrongly accused of harassment. And this is coming from a woman who has actually been abused by men and women. It should not be a gender thing..my female abuser abused me worse than my male abuser did…so why are we perpetuating a system that continues to abuse PEOPLE of both genders.
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Moderator
October 25, 2015
I think you could ask the PD, Martha, whether it’s lawful to deny someone access to a hospitalized family member. Sam could refuse to see you, I guess, but I don’t see how a hospital can refuse you access if he consents. Sam’s dad could prosecute you for trying to visit him if he represented Sam as “incapacitated” and applied for an injunction on his behalf, but that’s the only way one adult can be the proxy plaintiff for another.
Then again, if Sam hasn’t called, that may be indication enough. As hard as it may be, try to toe the line and keep your cool. Since you’ve already been represented as a “harasser,” another injunction might be an easy sell, and it would just compound your grief.
All I can suggest is that you try—I know it’s hard—to build an independent life for yourself. That might inspire a thaw.
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Umpire
October 22, 2015
In the state of California, a Restraining order will be issued if the judge thinks your behavior is considered harassment and harassment is defined as any behavior which disturbs the “Mental Peace” of the complainant.
The system in California is a huge money maker for the family law sector. It’s completely unfair and needs to be changed. Since I was hit with my restraining order for doing my Job umpiring baseball at a public park because my sister-in-law didn’t want me there, I have heard of many cases like mine that are completely unfair. It has been kind of interesting because law enforcement is getting sick of wasting their time with the stupid restraining order and have told my accusers that they didn’t see an issue many times when they called the police claiming that I was violating the order, Even so much as writing out a report that said that their claim was unfounded and that they were actually harassing me. I have also been told by the sheriff that they have better things to do with their time than answer calls from these sickos that want to use this system for their own power. They sent my report to the DA to see what he thought of the order and the situation. So far he refused to do act on the report in anyway and if this keep happening I am hoping he will persuade the Judge to get rid of it. After all, what good is an order the police will not enforce right?
One thing my judge didn’t understand or know because he wouldn’t let me speak at my hearing is my oldest brother is a highly respected homicide detective in a local agency and police are a fraternal group. They look out for their own and their families and so far every single officer learning of this restraining order said it was a joke and the judge is a clown.
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