“Somebody Do Something to End This Madness!”: One Commenter’s Appeal for Restraining Order Reform

Posted on October 22, 2015


A comment Wednesday resonated with the author’s experiences of legal abuse and many others’. It said its writer’s life was trashed because he showed compassion for another. He exhausted his savings to help his ex-wife out of a fix, flying out to California from Colorado on a day’s notice. Five years later, having lived with the aftereffects of legal madness every day of the interim—which included appeals in another state, postponements, and a five-year restraining order extension—he says he feels his life is “over.” Of particular note is that the apparent instigator of the fraudulent restraining order petitioned against him was his ex-wife’s son; the son allegedly threatened to turn his back on his mother and evict her from his home if she didn’t comply with his wishes.

The commenter’s account:

[In] 2010, she calls me in Denver [Colorado], where I had a two-bedroom apartment, crying the blues that she had a big fight with her boyfriend, and requested to stay with me for a little while. I gave in as we were married for 23 years and had remained friends.

I fly out to San Jose [California] the next day, and we drive directly from the airport to U-Haul, pick up a truck, and are on the road in a couple of hours. Five days later, I move her into her own bedroom and put her furniture in storage.

Things went fine until she wanted this dog up in Wyoming that had some issues.

We drive up to get the dog and then after getting it home, I find out the issues—the dog would just pee on the carpet at random. I told her the dog had to go. She’s not happy, but we surrendered it to the local shelter.

Next thing I know, there is a knock on the door with her son ready to drive her back to San Jose.

Not a problem until two weeks later when the sheriff delivered the TRO [temporary restraining order] that stated I had to give up my guns and appear in San Jose at a hearing in seven days. “Why?” I asked. “Don’t we have laws in Colorado? Shouldn’t the case be tried in Denver?” Apparently not. I lost that argument.

I went to San Jose, had a 10-minute hearing in front of—what else?—a woman judge. My ex had a lawyer [thanks to] the good old folks at VAWA providing the funding. I [checked with] over 30 attorneys, and no one would touch the case pro bono (she took any spare money I had moving her).

Then we found out that she can talk to me; I just can’t talk to her (great system).

We found a way to communicate…through the Internet on one of those game shows. We would pass notes back and forth. She did not have a problem with that. The son found out and over his IPhone requested an extension on the court order.

Turns out, truth be told, that the son was the one who wanted her to get the RO. She never had any intention of doing such a thing. The son apparently was angry because he asked me what happened between his mother and me. I responded by asking him if he was sure that he really wanted to know the truth about his mom. Well, I told him the truth. I told him that his mother was screwing around on me every chance that she had.

That did not sit well with him. So here we are…RO. Every lie in that first and second complaint was written by him. He forced his mother to go along with it by threatening that he would not want her to be around him anymore and that she would have to move out of his house.

With all the postponements, when we finally got a ruling on the attempt to continue the first RO, which only had two weeks left on it, the judge, a new woman judge, ruled against me. She would not even let me speak.

So, long story short, after all the delays in between the appearances, I now received an additional five-year RO causing my total RO to be about 7 years.

I don’t give a shit whether I ever see her again, but I thought that this was a country of laws. There was never any violence between us. Yet this judge violated my Second Amendment rights once again.

So…lesson learned: Never even raise your voice to your significant (???) other. When she finds out how much money she can get out of all the federal funding, inclusive of cars, a place to stay, educational programs, etc., etc., she will come after you without a second thought.

The entire law is wrong. It violates [the First, Second, and Sixth Amendments, and probably others]. And the worse part of it is that any woman you want to date is going to plug your name into the Internet before she considers going out with you. Or her son or daughter or girlfriend will…just because they want to make sure she’s not going out with a “bum.”

My life is over. I have no social life [and] no place to turn. Not one lawyer will help. Not one congressman or senator will go against all the women who started all of this in 1994. And why? The only reason that I can come up with is that they don’t want to get “cut off.” They have no balls and couldn’t care less about what is right or wrong.

This is a bad law. I think if I remember the VAWA statute correctly, the phrase man or men is mentioned one time. I am for anyone who has any ideas on how to overturn this law and at least give us our “rights” back. I can understand it if you are a wife-beater or something like that, but the word harassment is so ambiguous. How can any judge make an honest decision?

Please, everyone, chime in. This could happen to you! If your wife gets an RO on you, you are in “the system.” You no longer will have a job, friends will shy away from you, and even your own family will distance themselves from you.



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*The anonymous commenter’s remarks began: “I will be more than happy to pay any attorney to get my Santa Clara County, California RO taken off of the Internet!”