I was just contemplating what I’ve come to think of as “estrogen rage”—a peculiarly feminine mode of violence that orbits around false allegations to authority figures. Furious men do violence, which is why domestic violence and restraining order laws exist. Furious women delegate violence (by lying), which is why the abuse of domestic violence and restraining order laws is rampant.
I was distracted from this rumination by two accounts that emerged in the press recently of women accusing men of rape to conceal affairs:
“Ex-Counselor Gets up to 18 Months in Prison for False Reports of Abduction, Assault” (Bellefonte, Pennsylvania)
“Sheriff: Woman Files False Rape Report to Cover up Affair” (Athens, Alabama)
Their motive wasn’t rage; it was selfishness. That same theme is present, however: using others (cops and judges) as tools of violence.
When stories like this are bruited, it’s always to show that, hey, women lie about rape: See! That’s not what people should find disturbing about these stories, though.
What people should find disturbing about these stories is how feminine false accusers think about lying, including lying about physical and sexual violence (or their threat). They think it’s no big deal—or they don’t think about it at all.
If false accusers regard lying about rape as no biggie, then what does that say not only about how they regard other types of false allegations but about how they regard rape itself? Right, they regard rape as no biggie.
This is what no one ever confronts head-on.
Even feminists who regard false allegations of physical and sexual violence as insignificant must regard acts of physical and sexual violence as insignificant. You can’t say the acts are ghastly and in the same breath say being falsely accused of them isn’t.
Either both are consequential, or neither is.
Feminists are more prone to denounce even the falsely accused (that is, to blame the victims) than they are to denounce false accusers (their “sisters”). Feminists’ denunciations, then, aren’t ultimately of (sexual) violence; their denunciations are of men. Here we come back to the topic of estrogen.
Feminine and feminist psychology are due more scrutiny than they receive. I can’t count the number of times I’ve read even sympathetic reporters of false allegations say they recognize that the more urgent problem is (sexual) violence against women—a sentiment that, intentionally or not, motivates false allegations. False accusers aren’t just aided and abetted by this pronouncement of priority; they’re encouraged by it.
Trivializing false allegations can hardly be said to deter women from making them. The message it conveys, rather, is that false accusers can and should expect sympathy and attention (because all women who make allegations can and should expect sympathy and attention).
The idea that men do evil in response to their hormonal urges is broadly promulgated, and the influence of that idea is to be seen plainly in our laws and in how our courts administer those laws.
Women have hormonal urges, too, and they’re not just toward maternity.
Consider that the women in the stories highlighted in this post falsely accused men of rape whom they’d just been rolling beneath the sheets with…and put a name to that act.
Both women’s lies, incidentally, were undone by text messages they’d exchanged with their lovers that showed the sex was consensual.
Girls will be girls.
Copyright © 2014 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
brandopolo
August 21, 2014
A TALE OF RESTRAINING ORDER ABUSE
My Ex, a Hollywood musician, obtained a fraudulent restraining order against me as retaliation/revenge after I documented on social media his cowardly, dishonest behavior during our breakup. I was out-of-town during the hearing and apparently the judge did not even consider the many responses I filed refuting the false allegations, a denial of due process. I consulted with an attorney: the appeal will cost thousands of dollars. It’s unfair that someone can lie to the court for free and put a permanent blemish on your record, and you have to spend thousands to even be heard. I can be heard: with your help. Would you ask your followers to spare a dime on my donation page (link below) so I can fight this abuse of the restraining order system? I have nowhere else to turn.
http://www.gofundme.com/dcopvc
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Moderator
August 23, 2014
I know it’s humiliating, but please consider identifying yourself on your fundraiser and circulating the link to it among friends and family. Your best shot at raising money will be to bring your case to the attention of those who know you and will tweet about your fundraiser and “share” it on Facebook.
Tell every female friend you have. Women are the best networkers and social champions. You need people who will sing your praises and encourage others to help you.
Credibility with strangers in cases like this is pretty much none. The problem is alien to them, and it doesn’t press the buttons that fundraisers for ailing pets and kids do. No one understands the gravity of the situation who hasn’t been in it him- or herself.
Also consider that there may be resources available to you as a gay man. I’ve been negligent in investigating what those resources might be, but I encourage you to check around. Direct your appeals most aggressively to those you can expect sympathy from and visit in person anyone you can rather than depending on letters or phone calls.
Do you happen to know any celebrities? Writing to them through agents is a dead end, but if you have any kind of personal access (even friend-of-a-friend), that would be worth considering.
Even petitions and Facebook pages that concern abuses of court process and that don’t seek donations don’t attract a great deal of support, because fellow victims are beaten down and scared. They’re often broke, besides.
Have you worked out a timeframe? Make certain you’re aware of what kind of deadlines you’re facing and that you file on time to be granted the opportunity to appeal, even if you’re not sure you’ll have the funds to follow through.
I feel for you and absolutely wish you success. I just wanted to bring the difficulties to your attention.
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Moderator
August 23, 2014
L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center (Legal Services)
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