
The Internet is awash with images like these.
Restraining orders are defended on the basis that they protect female victims of domestic violence.
The most recent posts on this blog have stressed the constitutional violations that are necessarily entailed by the process. One of them reprints a 1995 New Jersey Law Journal exposé: “N.J. Judges Told to Ignore Rights in Abuse TROs” by Russ Bleemer. In various of the article’s quotations, the “epidemic” nature of domestic violence is emphasized. Almost 20 years later, you’ll discover by a casual Google search that domestic violence is still broadly termed “epidemic.”
If domestic violence was “epidemic” at the start of the restraining order boom, and it’s still “epidemic” two decades later after the issuance of millions or tens of millions of restraining orders, there are only a couple possible conclusions to be drawn: (1) restraining orders aren’t doing the job, or (2) restraining orders have exacerbated the problem.
Either of these conclusions leads to an inevitable third: the dividends of restraining orders are negligible if not negative. Juxtapose their negligible effectuality against the untold suffering they’ve wrought and continue to wreak, and legislators’ duty is clear: back to the drawing board.
The manifest unfairness of restraining order policy toward individual defendants is justified according to the belief that the overall benefit of restraining orders to society excuses large-scale civil rights’ violations and the abrogation of the most basic ethical tenets of law, like impartiality, diligent deliberation, and due process.
If the blanket benefit of restraining orders to the society as a whole is none, as feminists and others report—that is, if restraining orders haven’t actually downgraded the alert status of domestic violence from red after 30 years—then money is being flushed down the toilet along with the lives of restraining order defendants for no reasons but maintenance of appearances and appeasement of special interests.
No buts about it.
Copyright © 2014 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
4giventhug
June 17, 2014
i like your blog, alot. i had a domestic violence case in 2006 with my ex wife .she’s the other of my 3 children. i’ll be honest we were both smoking meth and had a fight . restraining order was adequate as far as the lawa goes. cps was involved you know the whole nine. anyway fast forward 3 years upon release from prison . yes prison you see after the initial dv due to heavy drug use i caught some county time for the initial case i caught a 3 year sentence for restraining order violations for non violent non threatening requests to see my children when at the time i still had joint custody with their mother. long long long story short since 2006 ive been in and out of prison for non violent non threatening restrainig order violations. there are situations that call for it but in hindsight theyre useless abused at , dare i say a bitter resentful ex with the need to make you squirm and control your life. ive caught two cdc numbers because of restraining order violations. i have so much as raised my voice and ive had cuffs slapped on and bee put in county jail en route upstate. i recently discharged parole in october of 2013 l. in march of 2013 my then wife decidedour marriage was over which surprised the crap out of me but guess what she did! yup! she went and filed a restraining order whe i hadnt given any reason whatsoever for one to be implemented. i didnt even show up at the hearing because i was sur she would t go through with it. well she did and fast forward to now, im starting full time seminary school working for A.A. and then a B.A. in theology and pastoral counseling. well come to find out theres a man involved with my wife and theres the reason for the restraining order that i get threatened with on a regular basis with . see heres what sucks ive got a prison prior which is a previous conviction for the same thing which gives me an automatic one year enhancement added to a sentence with a like charge .and ive got a woman is using a restraining order basically because she watched my ex wife use one to get rid of me s she wiill do the same. because come to find out 7 years laterthe mother of my chidlren was and is involved with a co worker at her school its all one big nightmare . well i just thought id put that out there i think they both are on wp so hopefully they see this. ive nothing to hide ive done noting wrong. if i get locked up again which is possible it will be be for the phrase”i forgive you, i love you can i have the chance to show you ive changed” hard to swallow knowing my intetions are just that no more no less. oh well. i will say this i wasnt the best of husbands but i do not desreve this..
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Moderator
June 18, 2014
Thank you, and I’m really sorry for your tribulations. Once this starts and the paper accumulates, deciding what the “truth” is becomes an automatic judgment (as if it weren’t already). You’ve owned your past indiscretions, and it sounds like you’re moving in a direction that’s positive for you. Congratulations. That’s an attainment and should count for something down the road if you try to recover your visitation rights. Probably you’ll have to try to do this through the court and not by any kind of direct appeal to your ex-wife (who hasn’t had to reappraise her life, because the state’s on her side). People think pursuing a legal resolution is what everyone should always do. Few seem to appreciate that hiring attorneys and filing motions with the court isn’t an option available to everyone. Also, it’s combative and stressful. It’s the opposite of healing.
I don’t know enough about your situation to confidently comment, but I do know that there’s a twisted attraction to conflict for many people. When they have the upper hand, they thrive on the power.
Judges don’t want to hear that plaintiffs are lying. Especially when a defendant has a few strikes against him, they just equate accusations of lying with that defendant’s refusing to accept responsibility, which makes judges more belligerent. To regain access to your kids, probably you’re going to have to do the saintly thing and accept responsibility even if it’s not entirely yours, and make a persuasive showing that you’re walking the strait and narrow now. Judges get warm and fuzzy when you’re penitent. It disarms and humbles them.
I think it’s pretty much the only thing that does.
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