“The term ‘high conflict person’ has been popularised relatively recently in legal texts and general discourse to describe those people with certain behavioural clusters who are often observed in legal disputes. This is not meant to suggest that it is a new phenomenon. On the contrary, vexatious individuals and difficult clients are not new to agencies of accountability, lawyers, or mediators, especially those working in highly emotive legal dispute areas such as family law.”
Since I’m neither a psychologist nor an attorney, I’m free to say politically incorrect things. Layman’s license authorizes me to clarify, for instance, that the high-conflict people referred to in the epigraph can be monstrous. A clinician might hesitate to call the conduct of high-conflict people sick, and a mediator would reject such labeling as counterproductive to compromise. Nevertheless, that conduct can be extremely sick and far exceed the bounds of words like contrary, vexatious, and difficult.
If you’ve been attacked serially by someone you trusted who’s abused legal process to hurt you, spread false rumors about you, made false allegations against you, and otherwise manipulated others to join in bullying you (possibly over a period spanning years and despite your reasonable attempts to settle the situation), your persecutor is an example of the high-conflict person to whom the epigraph refers, and understanding his or her motives may be of value to your self-protection.
What the author of the monograph from which the quotation above is excerpted means by “behavioral clusters” (switching to the American spelling) is a set of traits and patterns of habitual conduct. High-conflict people, people with personality disorders (or who at least manifest some of their maladaptive traits), are defined by clusters of observable characteristics that guide them to instigate and sustain conflict, including conflict through abuse of legal process. Borderline, antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorder (collectively, the “Cluster B disorders”) are defined by such characterological clusters.
Personality disorders are grouped into clusters based on their predominant features, and it is the Cluster B disorders which typically present with high expression of emotions, neuroticism, dramatization, and hostility.
Cluster B disorders are categorised into the following four sub-types:
- Borderline Personality – marked by instability of mood and intense anger, self-destructiveness, a poor sense of self, fears of abandonment, and manipulative behaviour.
- Antisocial Personality – a disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others and the rules of society; a lack of empathy and remorse; exploitative, reckless, and irresponsible behaviour.
- Narcissistic Personality – a pattern of grandiosity, self-love, and a need for admiration; a sense of entitlement and haughty, arrogant attitudes; preoccupation with success, power, brilliance.
- Histrionic Personality – pervasive and excessive emotionality and attention-seeking behaviour; shallow or insincere emotions; inappropriately seductive or provocative behaviour; impressionistic and flamboyant speech.
Note that a single individual may possess traits of more than one personality disorder (or may have more than one personality disorder) and that these definitions are not impervious to overlap. “The people diagnosed with these four disorders are known for their frequent and dramatic interpersonal conflicts and crises. Their personality characteristics often bring them into disputes which involve many others to resolve—including the courts” (Cheryl Cohen, Jack Mahler, and Gwen Jones, “Managing High Conflict Personalities in Mediation”).
If a reader of this post takes nothing else away from the epigraph, s/he should at least note Mr. McLean’s remark that high-conflict, personality-disordered people are “often observed in legal disputes,” a remark echoed by the quotation immediately above, which comes from a different source. Although high-conflict personalities are a minority respective to the population as a whole, they’re disproportionately commonplace among complainants to the courts and other “agencies of accountability” (like child protective services and the police, to offer but a couple of examples).
[P]eople with Cluster B personality disorders are more likely to escalate their disputes to satisfy their underlying need for dominance, blame, denial of responsibility and, sometimes, revenge.
High-conflict people, plainly, are your false accusers and vexatious litigants from hell. They’re driven to divert blame from themselves and exert it on others (who may be their victims).
Restraining orders, due to their low evidentiary threshold and ease of procurement, are ideal media for abuse by those with no scruples about lying or manipulating others and a keen interest in exciting drama and mayhem.
Mediators are circumspect in their judgments, because their role is to pacify strife and facilitate bridge-building between disputants. Effectively doing their work depends on possessing an empathic understanding of the motives of high-conflict people, which may also be worthwhile to those who’ve been victimized by them.
Cognitive distortions, thoughts that are based on a false premise, are a significant feature of high conflict personalities’ thinking style. Often as a consequence of disrupted attachment or a dysfunctional or abusive upbringing, sufferers will develop cognitive distortions and defence mechanisms in an attempt to make sense of the world and to make their experiences fit their own emotions.
Emotionally healthy people base their feelings on facts, whereas people with high conflict personalities tend to bend the facts to fit what they are feeling. This is known as “emotional reasoning.” The facts are not actually true, but they feel true to the individual. The consequence of this is that they exhibit an enduring pattern of blaming others and a need to control and/or manipulate.
The mediator’s position is that high-conflict people are in a sense “unconscious” of their lies and manipulations. More accurate might be that such people aren’t self-critical; they rationalize their conduct, which may be much more impulsive than premeditated but is always relentless and nonetheless destructive. Certainly many psychologists are less generous in their estimations of how unaware the personality-disordered are of their deceits and manipulations—as their victims are bound to be.
That notwithstanding, the appearance of monographs like the one I’ve highlighted in this post is a big deal, because our courts and other “agencies of accountability” are pretty much clueless about personalities like the ones on which it focuses attention (as in fact are most victims of such people).
That’s not to say Mr. McLean’s observations are new. His paper, which was published last year, shadows the professional writing of therapist, attorney, and mediator William (Bill) Eddy, who’s been elucidating the challenges posed by people with personality disorders in the court system (particularly family court) for decades. The monograph, moreover, cites Mr. Eddy’s work more than once. More recently, psychologist Tara Palmatier, whose online explications of the behaviors of the personality-disordered also draw on the pioneering observations of Mr. Eddy, has written volubly, accessibly, and explicitly about abuses, including legal abuses, committed by high-conflict people (as have a number of other psychologists who zero in on the narcissist personality). Many, if not most, of Dr. Palmatier’s patients have been the victims of such abuses and/or abusers, and some of their personal accounts (“In His Own Words”) appear on her blog.
Returning to Mr. McLean’s paper (which, again, echoes summations of both Mr. Eddy and Dr. Palmatier):
High conflict behavior…can be broadly described as behaviour which escalates rather than minimises conflict. The individual tends to escalate because they receive some kind of secondary gain from the dispute, but contrarily, they are inclined to blame others whilst perceiving themselves as the victim. The displayed emotion is often disproportionate to the dispute in question, and often there is the presence of poorly regulated emotions in the form of anger, impulsivity, and criticism of others, whilst it is not uncommon to observe controlling and manipulative behaviours.
High-conflict personalities are worse than liars; they’re liars who delude themselves that their lies are justified. They don’t reconsider or back down, and they’re capable of fomenting and sustaining conflict for years, including (especially in the case of narcissists) by gross fraud, smear tactics, and the enlistment of third parties to abet their frauds or participate in bullying their victims.
Because high conflict people tend to distort facts to suit their emotions, they often put a lot of energy into blaming other people for their cognitive distortions. The need to release internal distress results in reality-distorting defence mechanisms, such as projection and denial, which results in [their] failing to recognise their part in conflict. These cognitive distortions (also known as emotional facts) are frequently transferred to other people, which in turn often enables and exacerbates the behaviour.
In his paper, which I urge readers to consult, Mr. McLean includes actual transcript excerpts from cases heard in court that are both enlightening and impressive, and should encourage anyone in a legal clash with a high-conflict person who’s capable of obtaining the aid and representation of a mediator to consider it.
It’s deplorably the case that “rapport-building” is never an option in the drive-thru arena that is the restraining order process.
Examination of Mr. McLean’s professional insights into the specific personality disorders underscores how vexed resolving legal conflicts in this arena may be. He notes, for instance, that exposing a narcissist’s misconduct by confronting him or her with that misconduct or making him or her “look bad” will only fan the flames. He’s no doubt right, but in hearings that last mere minutes, painstaking assuagement of a narcissist’s ego isn’t practicable. Similarly he observes that among histrionics, “[e]xaggerated emotions and phoniness may be common initially.”
In a court process that’s concluded almost as soon as it’s begun, like a restraining order hearing, exaggerations and phoniness can’t be exposed through methodical cross-examination. The severity of a plaintiff’s allegations of apprehension may in fact excuse him or her from attending a hearing, altogether scotching the opportunity to expose his or her falsehoods by questioning.
Emphatically noteworthy, then, is the virtual absence from any but very lengthy and deliberate trials that are influenced by expertise like Mr. McLean’s of any chance to prosecute a capable defense against the frauds of high-conflict people.
Copyright © 2014 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
Kelly
November 19, 2015
I am in a family situation that is one of a smear campaign. Causing division with my children. My mother was definitely the orchestrator over those years. She is now 76 and my brother and sisters have been taught well. They are even more psychotic then my mother. They have made false accusations that could land me in jail. One tells a lie b the other swears they witnessed it.
They did this To the detriment of my mothers health. Speaking of that my sister has taken my mother to texas where she had convinced everyone i was killing her b so b she had to rescue her. Again all false. True with the threat of being arrested i walked Away from my mother at which point she was alone and surely not improving health wise.
Beings i was grieving b the loss of my 19 year old son killed in a car v accident they took full advantage. I ended up v so mentally… Physically ill. I walked and talked but wasn’t there. Fact is i became homeless and am homeless even still.
I am a very strong woman. I have worked most of my life. I am now officially b retired and on ssdi. I am in a safe place for the first time in ten years and i will b survive this. I know that years have been taken from me because of n the stress and they are not b stopping.
I want to get b an attorney. I want to expose how malicious they are. I want to clear my name and the v way i am looked it. My integrity means alot to me. Though i have it. I want the respect that i deserve and no longer v want the side b eyed glances.
Can you reccommend a way and a attorney b to b prosecute. I have plenty of evidence of what they continue to do.
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Moderator
November 20, 2015
If these people have prosecuted you (taken you to court), Kelly, then an obstacle might be the lapse of time. Everything to do with the courts has deadlines. Even crimes, including civil ones, have statutes of limitation. If you can afford an attorney’s help, it’s possible even old rulings could be challenged if you had new evidence to present, evidence you couldn’t have provided the court before. If not a lot of time has gone by, maybe the window to appeal or sue is still open. If the accusations were made in civil court on a restraining order petition, however, an appeals judge won’t hear evidence that could have been presented in court unless, for example, the judge denied you the chance to present it when you were allowed a hearing.
It’s easier for you to allege psychological abuse, harassment, etc. than it is for you to appeal a ruling against you. If you’re still being abused, you may be able to apply to the court for protection. You could file injunctions against all of your siblings, for example. You would need to substantiate the abuse, though, whether with communications from them to you (or to others), medical records, phone records, or whatever. The court isn’t real responsive to being informed that it has been the cause of your injury.
With regard to lawyers, it’s hard to explain what you’ve gone through, but one might get it if you’re persistent enough and call around.
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Daniel
October 9, 2014
I moved to Person Co. From Durham 2 years ago. From the moment we moved in, it has been a nightmare. Our neighbors have done nothing but harass us, trespass, call the cops on us, and recently, filed a no contact stalking charge against me as well as tried to have me charged with trespassing, when in reality it is they who trespass, poach, vandalize, harass, and assault. I have called the cops and filed reports, but nothing has been done. They have gone to 3 different magistrates over the last two years who have turned them down for their crazy accusations, but now apparently the 4th magistrate they started going to, the one who signed off on the summons, is known in Person Co. as the guy to go to if you want to have your summons granted. They have made wild claims that I have built gadgets that can see through walls into their bedrooms, that I made a gadget that can pick up their phone conversations, and somehow they are able to see 200 feet, through trees, and boxwoods into my pants and say that I have multiple weapons that I walk around with and that they are scared. All of which is total bs yet somehow I have to go to court, pay money to defend myself, and take off work (3 times now) They even put on their complaint that I had long hair, then I cut it. WTH does that have to do with anything? And lastly, a year ago as part of their trying to label me a stalker, they wrote about how last year I told them to stay the hell of my property and that I wanted nothing to do with them. You know, most stalkers tell their victims such things. It is insanity. Aside from telling them to get off my land and to slow down as they raced down the driveway nearly hitting me and various animals, I have had no other contact, nor do I care to.
They are saying I am trespassing by using my own road! A road that has been a common use road for over 150 years. When we bought the property, we had a survey done and not only does the plot map show and say we own to the middle of the road, the surveyor marks were there to prove it. We have also driven on the road for the past two years, and at one time, until we bought more land with another logging road on it, this common road was the only way to the back of our property. So a month or so ago, they blocked this common road with a large utility trailer, I asked them to move it, they did not. I called the sheriff, they did nothing, so after 3 days, and my horses not getting any water, I drove around the trailer, fully on my property. On the way back, again on my property, the husband of the property owner takes a couple swipes me in my truck with a shovel. I pull further into the woods to avoid this maniac, and he steps in front of the truck and is now at my window, does the same thing. Here I am in fear of my life, but I keep plodding along thinking he is going to punch the shovel into my neck, he however misses and by now I am past him. He chases me a few dozen feet, shovel swinging. I should have called the cops on them then and their, but I didn’t, stupid me.
The next day, they filed a summons for trespassing on me. So I took pictures of the trailer on my property and blocking my usage of the road, so the next day they then had a summons issued on me for stalking. I had the pictures, the plot map, the word and professional statement of our closing lawyer stating that it is indeed a common road, has been for 150 years, and that I have every right to use it. But for some damn reason, my lawyer made a deal. They dropped all the charges, but wanted a no contact for a year. My lawyer said this was a good deal, I was thinking hell I don’t want to contact these jerks anyway. Little did he tell me that it was a 50-c and that it has made it easier for them to get a summons on me. (as if they needed any help) Two weeks ago, after they got a survey themselves and it showed that the center of the road was my property line, I again drove on the road to go work in our fields. (They drive the very same road, half on my land, half on theirs half a dozen or more times a day, yet I am not allowed to do it for some reason?) Thinking that certainly now that they again see that the property line is in the middle of the road, and that just using it they are driving on my property as well, that things were settled. Stupid me.
They called the cops twice. The first deputy that showed up said he was pissed he had to come out there for nothing. The second one handed me a summons for breaking the no contact order by trespassing. But said it was BS and that they were wasting my time, his time, his departments time, and the taxpayers time. I have since gotten a new lawyer. My first lawyer was just a moron, I could have won the case hands down as I had all the evidence, but he wanted to play scratch my back ill scratch yours with the other lawyer. Even charged me 850 to do it. When I told him he only emboldened them, he told me oh well, guess I made a mistake. Now it will cost you another 850 for me to take care of this new charge. So I fired him.
But I fear this will never stop.These people have shown they have nothing better to do than to mess with, harass, and destroy. I do not know what their problem is, and we are not the first people they have done this to. The former owners have told us that they did the same sort of bull crap to them as well. These people are psychotic and aside from selling my house, which we just moved into a year and a half ago. I do not know what else to do.
I am being harassed by assholes who have nothing better to do, who know the system, and don’t care that they are abusing it. I work 3 jobs (web developer, farmer, house flipper), just got married a year ago (another full-time job), and have no time to deal with this crap, let alone pay 600-850 every few weeks to defend myself against this garbage. Aside from a now and again speeding ticket, I have never been in in trouble with the law, now my record is shot, even if and when I win a case, it is still in a file somewhere that I had to go to court on these charges. It is sickening that it is soo easy for assholes to royally screw someones life over just for kicks. I could really use some advice. My new lawyer is going to bat for me on Tuesday, but I just have this gnawing fear in my gut that this wont be the last time I have to go to court because of these morons. You would think a magistrate would need some sort of proof before they issue a summons, but as it turns out, they do not. Which is a scary reality.
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Moderator
October 11, 2014
Totally, and a further outrage is that a process that’s supposed to pacify conflict worsens it. In fact it not only worsens conflict but promotes violence. How else is someone supposed to act who’s going through what you are? Stoically? People are just supposed to chuck their lives and livelihoods (and let themselves be stabbed with shovels)?
Not only is the process itself “wild, wild west”; it forces people to fend for themselves.
You might talk with your attorney, Daniel, about obtaining a restraining order of your own, besides appealing the one against you and seeing about having it vacated and expunged.
A good idea, too, would be to document everything from here out. Carry a camera and log the times and dates of any further incidences.
You might also consider asking the former property owners to testify for you and provide you with whatever records they have.
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