Restraining orders, which some have called blank checks to do malice, are marvelously versatile instruments. Consider, for example, that while they were conceived to deter stalkers from, say, hanging around other’s homes at night and propositioning them in the dark, they’re also easily obtained by stalkers to legitimate the same or similar conduct.
Because restraining orders place no limitations on the actions of their plaintiffs (that is, their applicants), stalkers who successfully petition for restraining orders (which are easily had by fraud) may follow their targets around; call, text, or email them; or show up at their homes or places of work with no fear of rejection or repercussion. In fact, any acts to drive them off may be represented to authorities as violations of those stalkers’ restraining orders. It’s very conceivable that a stalker could even assault his or her victim with complete impunity, representing the act of violence as self-defense (and at least one such victim of assault has been brought to this blog).
A stalker who petitions a restraining order against his or her target can toy with him or her like a cat might a mouse. Even if the target had solid grounds for some type of reciprocal or retributive legal action, the uncertainty and apprehension inspired by having received a restraining order would likely work a paralytic effect on him or her. No one who hasn’t had the state rapping on his or her door can appreciate the menace and uncertainty that linger after the echo has faded.
A reasonable person would expect there to be a readily available recourse in place to redress and remedy such a scenario. That reasonable person would find his expectation disappointed. Neither laws nor the courts officially recognize that abuses of restraining orders occur.
Granted, in most situations like this, the “stalker” is a girlfriend who impulsively procured a restraining order but still nurses amative feelings for the boyfriend she obtained it against—or a grudge. (Both defendants complaining of being stalked by those who’ve petitioned restraining orders against them and petitioners concerned to know whether they’re “in trouble” for violating their own orders are brought to this blog weekly.) This situation is less sinister than a source of constant anxiety for the target, who has no way of questioning or interpreting his or her stalker’s motives, or anticipating what further menace to expect.
A variant theme is represented by the person who becomes infatuated with or fixated on someone and later seeks to disown his or her feelings and conduct. For whatever reason—maybe the person is married—s/he professes apprehension of his or her target to the police and courts (and others) to generate a smokescreen. S/he flips the truth and alleges that the person s/he stalked stalked him or her. This is accomplished with particular ease by a woman, who can have every man she knows walking her to her car like a Secret Service entourage with a few hysterical attestations of terror.
There are in fact few more effective ways for stalkers to imprint themselves on the lives of objects of their (current or former) interest or obsession. For a stalker, a restraining order may even represent a token of love that its object is powerless to refuse.
Stalkers are driven by obsession. Realizing some consummated idyllic relationship with the objects of their fixations may not be their earnest goal at all. The source of gratification may be the stalking (the proximity, real or imagined: the connection).
Of course, a great deal of what’s called “stalking” isn’t, and the absurd over-application of this word is mocked by its use by one of a pair of acquaintances when they repeatedly bump into each other unexpectedly: “Are you stalking me?”
Restraining orders and the culture of hysteria that they nurture and reward, and which at the same time ensures their being both offhandedly approved by judges and reflexively credited as legit by everyone who’s informed of them, have invested the words stalking and stalker with talismanic foreboding: “Ooh, a stalker.” I can’t count the number of women I’ve been told have or have had a “stalker” or “stalkers” (and the veracity of the woman who most recently impressed upon me her “stalker ordeal”—and hugged me afterwards for my sympathetic responses—I’ve been given exorbitant reason to doubt). Their eagerness to share sometimes reminds me of the pride people used to derive from having full dance cards.
Just last month I caught a story about a former Baywatch babe who was issued a restraining order petitioned by a woman whom the TV actress had labeled her “stalker” and gotten a restraining order against years prior: a mom with a young son who’d brought the actress presents (gasp!). The recent restraining order case had something to do with the two encountering each other at a community swimming pool.
I can certainly appreciate the karmic turnabout (and do), but enough already.
Real harm is caused by hyped and fraudulent allegations used to set state machinery in motion, and our being conditioned to respond to hysterical trumpery as if it signified something more than its purveyor’s egotism and self-exaltation has clouded detection of genuine mischief.
When someone casually drops that s/he’s being or has been “stalked,” we should be at least as suspicious as sympathetic.
Copyright © 2013 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
Anonymous123
December 10, 2013
In a lot of ways, an individual should be able to use Occam’s razor and Hanlon’s razor in order to examine a petition with allegations. Some fine reading of the allegations, language usage, verbs, and so on can also help pinpoint the falsity of the allegations, regardless of the ignorance of a petitioner. Hanlon’s razor states, “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.”
However, from analyzing the allegations a person must comb through the allegations with knowledge of their criminal correlates in relation to actus reus and mens rea. Some criminal allegations are two part (the mental state of the respondent and the mental state of the petitioner). Using Occam’s razor in relation to the actus reus and the mens rea helps eliminate true allegations from false allegations, whereby false allegations will have no evidence to support them. And evidence to support the allegations will always come from the past rather than future events.
From there, an individual can determine the level of malice in the petitioner. Culpability, in a lot of ways, is a flip of a coin. Yet many individuals should be able to examine the past history of the individual who filed the petitioner prior to the petition being filed. As such, an individual can exhume evidence related to a state of mind, for which a belief on the petitioner’s culpability can be brought forth. Teasing apart details requires some knowledge of psychology, but eventually the intent of the petitioner is found: malice or fear.
However, I must agree in relation to the cat and mouse game. Many petitioners will knowingly abuse the system with the intent to inflict harm onto a respondent.
Wikipedia has another entry in relation to Hanlon’s razor, as a variation of the razor: “Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity, but don’t rule out malice.”
An individual who knowingly makes one false and malicious allegation with the intent to inflict harm that does inflict emotional distress has criminally stalked another individual. Although the courts tend to give immunity to individuals and often do not penalize perjury, there is still an ultimate nature, God, cosmos, what-have-you that is the overseer of all: Karma if you will. No wicked deed goes unpunished.
For me, the girl who filed a restraining order on me had a stroke, which at the age of about 28 was quite unusual. Another girl who filed a restraining order on me had eclampsia during her pregnancy. Regardless of the culpability held during the allegations, the allegations were false and the chain of cause-and-effect had its toll on those individuals. I would expect nothing less from the universe, however, especially when I was and am truly innocent.
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Anonymous123
December 10, 2013
In reference to the above, a petitioner can turn from fear to malice during the duration of proceedings. I do not doubt that it could go the other way, too. However, I cannot be supportive of a restraining order that is granted while a petitioner holds malice. And it is that aspect of proceedings that truly bothers me. It bothers me that some petitioners, despite whatever allegations they present (be they true in some way), will have a malicious state of mind. However, karma is a b*tch.
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Moderator
December 12, 2013
My suspicion is that 90% of restraining orders are motivated by passive-aggressive malice (that is, even those wholly justified). Everyone I know personally who’s petitioned for a restraining order against someone else was pissed with that person. In only one instance was there any justified apprehension (and even in that case, the misconduct wasn’t one-sided).
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Moderator
December 12, 2013
A very genuine person I know offered to perform black magic for me. You’ve made me wonder if I shouldn’t have given her the go-ahead.
What your advocacy for the application of critical reasoning tools to judicial determinations seems really to be advocating is the application of Platonic rigor to the judicial selection process (a la The Republic). What I detect in judicial conduct isn’t the desire to be right (let alone just) but to be obeyed. In other words, judges aren’t candidates for the office of philosopher king. Lower court justices, anyway. Judicators higher up the chain might understand you and agree. State courts of appeals and supreme courts are rigorous in their rulings (which are correspondingly few relative to those entered by the justice and superior courts).
It’s basically about resources. There isn’t money enough to put subtle, supreme court minds on justice court benches. And to have a case decided by supreme court minds requires a lot of money. It’s a vicious circle. Something the court system could do is recognize this fact and cultivate a little humility among its subordinate officers (perhaps by requiring that they recite, “I am not God the Father,” 100 times upon rising each morning).
I was teaching Chaucer and Milton and Browning to college juniors and seniors when I was still pretty much a kid myself. A couple of months ago, a judge quoted Yogi Berra to me. In a superior court judgment.
You see what I mean.
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