The previous post concerned lying to get restraining orders, how easily frauds are put over, and the possible value to recipients of false restraining orders of lying better than their accusers.
The quoted phrase in this post’s title, slightly censored, represents an actual search term that has brought several such recipients to this blog.
Among those with no firsthand knowledge of how restraining orders are abused or why, there’s an assumption that by lying, complainants of restraining order fraud mean exaggeration, inflation of allegations that at least bear some correspondence to fact.
This assumption is mistakenly based on the belief that courts only act on proof. Proof is not the standard by which civil matters are judged or the criterion upon which civil restraining orders are approved. Restraining order interviews between applicants and judges are five- or 10-minute screen tests, nothing more; proof is unnecessary.
“But surely you can’t just make things up!” You surely can. Anything. There are no consequences to lying to the police, lying under oath to a judge, or lying on a sworn document unless the district attorney’s office opts to prosecute you, and this seldom happens in civil matters and never in those as low on its list of priorities as restraining order fraud. Statutes that threaten penalties for false reporting or committing perjury are like padlocks: they’re only meant to keep honest people honest.
Not only can people lie to the courts—and with impunity—they can lie BIG.
Not many years ago, philosopher Harry Frankfurt published a treatise that I was amused to discover called On Bullshit (which predictably mounted the bestseller list on the allure of its title alone).
In his book—which is brilliant, in fact, and well-deserving of acclaim—Dr. Frankfurt distinguishes “lies” from “bullshit.” Lies, he explains, have a basic or tangential relationship with the truth, that is, they’re not purely imaginative; they fandango the truth. Bullshit, in contrast to lies, lacks even a passing acquaintance with truth. It’s wholly improvisational. The bullshitter doesn’t “reject the authority of the truth, as the liar does, and oppose himself to it. He pays no attention to it at all.”
False allegations on restraining orders may not be lies simply; they may be bullshit, fabrications that are utterly divorced from reality. A number of respondents to this blog who have been accused of violence, for example, are vegetarian or vegan women who scruple about the welfare of insects and regard violence as unthinkable. Their accusers haven’t merely misrepresented them but reinvented them. The motive? Sheer malice. What correspondence restraining order applicants’ bullshit may have with the truth is antithetical: they allege falsehoods—ones completely estranged from the truth—that they know will most searingly damage their victims.
Success in leading anyone who hasn’t been abused in this way toward realizing that accusers can and do lie is tricky enough; getting them to perceive that allegations may be out-and-out bullshit requires forceful eye-opening.
I can’t responsibly advocate lying. I do, however, acknowledge that since opportunities afforded restraining order defendants to expose the bullshit of unscrupulous accusers may permit them all of 15 minutes to work a miracle, defendants’ following the dictum “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” has something to recommend it.
The logical extension of there being no consequences for lying is there being no consequences for lying back. Bigger and better.
It could be advantageous, speaking practically not morally, for defendants of false restraining orders to embrace this premise and—instead of trying to deflect turds flung at them—to respond in kind (and even less kindly). Fairness, one of our courts’ fundamental procedural principles, dictates that if judicators are willing to tolerate monkey-cage antics from one side (and moreover reward those antics), they can hardly be averse to bilateral flingfests.
Maybe the only way to prompt this process to evolve is to expose it to its own degeneracy: Monkey see, monkey doo-doo.
Copyright © 2013 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
Anonymous
November 10, 2013
Don’t feel bad, Maria. Actually, I suggest you seek a lawsuit against him for filing against you. Malicious prosecution, abuse of process, and fraud are some thoughts that come to mind. You may want to look at what the statutes define as criteria for allowing the order to go through.
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Anonymous
November 7, 2013
Speaking of lies or bs, my story of a false TPO filing could attest to the difference.
I am currently preparing to fight a false protective order filed against me by my wife(visa applicant). Quick background, my wife and I had a fight, I did the unthinkable and in a very bad state purchased her ticket back home, her family in the states(in a different state than where we were living) kept her here by FIRST: making a FALSE domestic call from one state to another(I was NEVER arrested), then SECOND: convincing my wife to sign the TPO.
I hate what my wife has done, but I can not blame her entirely and being that I bought her that ticket, she left my house in a very bad emotional, mental state. Of course the state she was in, knowing how she is coupled with the very bad influence of her family, the process of convincing her to sign a TPO was rather easy the next day after she left me. The accusations are so false full of both lies and bs, I laugh when I read them now. at first I cried to be honest out of anger, sadness and knowing I would have to and will fight her in court, something I’d rather not. They accuse me of abuse on days we were not physically together and I have proof. What saddens me is she has signed it, but I wonder did her family tell her the full truth of the lies they wrote. I wonder if they thought that due to the love they knew I had/have for her I would just let them win..well no!
She is here in the middle of a visa process, but we have not sent in the paperwork for the next step. All I pray for is the chance to speak with her and MAYBE reconcile as crazy as that may sound to most people. YES, she signed the TPO and should know the ramifications, but how many american citizens REALLY KNOW what making a domestic call, filing for a restraining order really does to the other party..not many do and are amazed once they find out and it is TOO LATE to change it.
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Maria Gutierrez
November 5, 2013
Well! I’m a victim of a false TPO, In my case I was dating a man for under 6 weeks, he wanted me to move in with him sell my house and help him pay his home and his bills, I’m retired my house is paid off. so he said It would be easier if I moved in with him, I saw too many red flags and I totally sabotaged the relationship so we could break up, I saw him for the last time a week after the break up. I left and that was it, I went on a vacation to visit my mother and Grandma and I get a call from the Police Dept saying they need to see me to serve me a restraining order I spoke to the officer and I told him I’ve been gone for over 3 weeks and not planning on going back and since its a civil matter I wont just leave my 8 week vacation to go back and see this man that I haven’t seen in over 2 months,
to make it shorter he says I hacked into his email, that I am crazy that I’m emotionally unstable he fears for his safety and I’ve been gone he says awful things about me the court hearing its in a week and Im staying at my moms for the holidays so I never got served the police told me that if I get back to town to call them so they can meet me to serve me restraining order the relationship was shorter than the effort and waste of taxpayers money and time this man has wasted to try to get a restraining order. I was dating him for a little under 6 weeks and he has wasted over 10 weeks making everyone believe how evil and crazy I am.
now I wonder what he will do next after case gets dismissed in court because of non service.
can he go and file a new case?
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Moderator
November 6, 2013
Hopefully, Maria, he’ll just slither off. It’s hard to say. Some of these abusers are extremely vindictive (even pathologically). Conceivably he could reapply. I remember one woman’s reporting that a guy like this, someone who resented her rejecting him, applied for restraining orders against her in different jurisdictions. And got them. Did the cops say that if you didn’t return, the order would be dismissed for non-service?
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Anonymous
November 6, 2013
Yes!!! The cop said the restraining order would be vacated and dismissed but no one can stop him from getting out of court after dismissal and go back and apply for another one!!.
So what I’m doing it’s waiting till the dismissal tomorrow I’m flying back after the hearing and I will go to court and apply for a harrasement and stalking order I just hope that will make him stop. I talked to a cop today and told me to just do it and not be afraid because that is the only way he has of controlling me
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Moderator
November 6, 2013
Cool. Good for you, Maria. Best of luck getting this parasite out of your life. And thanks for the info. A lot of people ask about possible remedies to these kinds of abuses.
Let me know how this works out for you.
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Anonymous
November 7, 2013
I did go to court and surprise surprise the one applying for the restraining order did not show up for hearing, wonder why, the TPO was dismissed for FTA failure to appear and as I walked out I filed for a TPO on him,
I really didn’t want to do it but I have no choice
Maria
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Moderator
November 8, 2013
Maria, you are among my heroes!
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Anonymous
November 8, 2013
It’s just not fair that if you break up with someone they should respect your wishes and not be vindictive and try to make us miserables by wasting tax payers money
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